morriganscrow - A LONG TIME COMING.

I'm in a really odd head-space at the moment. Tomorrow is a day I've anticipated, dreaded, feared and wondered about for almost my whole life.
Tomorrow, the 12th, is the 40th anniversary of my mother's death. It was in 1967, and I was 7 years old. My Mum was 47, which i am now.
Tomorrow I'm the age my mother was when she died.
I had left for school on the morning of the 9th, saying goodbye to her in the kitchen. When I came home in the afternoon, she was gone and I never saw her again. Dad told me she died on the 12th.
Mum had high blood pressure and kidney failure, then she had a stroke. Many years later, Dad told me he had to sign papers to have her ventilator turned off. He never got over her death.
As I, and my daughter, have lupus, I have to wonder, given her health issues, if Mum had it too, undiagnosed at a time when little was known about it.
To say her death was an atomic explosion in my life is an understatement. Dad went off the rails and couldn't cope with me, so my Nanny was dismissed and I was sent to live with cousins I barely knew, who made it clear I was there only because Dad could pay them.
Dad sold the house, my only remembered home, and all Mum's things. He and his sister took me with them as they packed up Mum's gift shop, leaving me with my uncle, who took me to the park, where he sexually abused me. All of this was in the week after Mum died. Then Dad went to Hong Kong for a month, and when he returned, it was weeks before I saw him again.
I never told anyone what Charles did, and instead suppressed the majority of the next 40 years, leaving me with few, if any, actual memories of my past.
What will happen tomorrow? Will it be just another day? Will I drop dead? Will I have some sort of cathartic breakdown? Will I remember my Mum?
I guess I'll know in about 24 hours.....